I Wasn’t Ready!

I Wasn’t Ready!

I was talking to a friend of mine about this series on Netflix and she was telling me about the finale and she said that classic line “I wasn’t ready for that!”

I (mostly) laughed and said: “I know, I just was not emotionally prepared for that!”

And for a moment I was transported to all those times when I said: “I wasn’t ready” and yet here we are!

All the way home I kept thinking about that sentence. I didn’t quite know why but it stuck with me. There was something in there that I supposed to take note of, but I wasn’t sure what…yet.

Soon enough I had that ‘holy crap’ moment of recognition. THAT was it. That was what I had been struggling so hard with this past few months during this pandemic.

I just wasn’t emotionally ready for that.

I mean, who was right? At this time last year, NO ONE was thinking they’d have to stay home for months, wonder if they’d run out of toilet paper or foodstuff, not be able to hug friends and some family or most worrisome get sick and die.

I’ll be honest, there were days (sometimes multiple in a row) where I had to pull on every tool, every understanding, every bit of self talk to get through. A few days, especially a couple of months in, I did more purposeful breathing in a single day than I did in my entire life put together I think.

I just wasn’t ready.

No one had taught me how to handle this.

If it had been a fire alarm, I got that one covered. I mean, every year in school we practised that one! A wind storm, thunder/lightning storm, tornado, and even an earthquake – I had an idea of how to manage those and stay safe. 

But this? It just seemed so chaotic and ever-changing. And seemingly never-ending. And I think, that’s the part I wasn’t ready for.

How do I make a plan, create a path, look for a light in a tunnel that stretches out farther than anyone can see?

My sweet souls, you cannot in the sense that you know what will be going on two Tuesdays from now.  Once you accept that this ‘plan’ must be fluid and you must be flexible life gets a lot less stressful. You have to accept its OK to not be able to follow the plan you had before.

I went back to the basics. And I mean BASICS.

I realized I am more ready than I thought at first. After all, I’ve been in tunnels like this before, not knowing when it will take a corner and suddenly have some light.

And I survived.

I know you have too.

Back to basics means asking ‘what needs doing today?’ Breathe, then do that. Look for progress, not perfection. Some days the progress might be just a sliver and other days the whole damn cake.

Both of those things are ok. They are still progress!

It means allowing laughter back. Inviting joy in and not feeling bad because the world has suffering in it. Sweet one, it always has suffering in it. The joy is what makes it bearable and worthwhile all at once.

You too are more ready than you knew. Look at you all making it work somehow!

The important thing to not lose your self in these times. It’s hard, I know. But remember the things you resist, persist. Pushing back hard against the fear, the sadness and frustration only serve to amplify it.

Instead, let the emotions flow through you. Welcome them like an old friend. I mean, aren’t they? We know each other intimately. Let them walk in the front door, say hello and move them right out the back door.  Do not invite them for tea!

Sometimes, and if we are honest here, more often than not, the only way to ‘be ready’ for tough times or scary events is to take a deep breath, remind yourself who you are and jump in.

Big love,

Bonnie

ps. If you want a few friends who will jump with you, join us in the Step Into Brilliance Facebook Group. Click here to jump right to it 

 

 

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